Time.

I have never had much sense of time.  My family and friends often accuse me of operating on what they lovingly call "Shelly time".  I am faithfully late.  I'm sorry, but there just never seems to be enough time to do all that I think needs to happen in a day.  Furthermore, I happen to like "Shelly time" because it follows the patterns of "Shelly's World".  :)  (That might be a topic better saved for another day, lol)

In recent months, though, time has become seemingly more of an issue.  I went back to school and now have deadlines to meet, and find less time for the gym and various other things I'd rather do than homework.  The homework has proven challenging, rewarding, and yes.....VERY time consuming.  I'm enjoying the classes and most of the work.  Getting into a new groove has been challenging, though.

Things are changing for me professionally.  The company I work for holds a lease inside of a Walmart store which will be up in 2012.  I remember when that seemed so far off it wasn't an issue.  But now I feel as though I'm running out of time.

There is also the impending doom of "I'm running out of time with my kids".......this is a tough one.  Lizzi is a Junior in high school and recently took her ACT.  She drives.  She talks about college (and gets tons of college mail).  She wants more and more freedom, and Abi is following right behind.  And now of all things, Sam thinks he's ready for a BB gun???  There is so much I want to teach them in order to prepare them and maybe even prevent them from mirroring some of my mistakes, but there is only so much freaking time!

I ran out of time with my mom.  My life was a mess when she left for heaven and she didn't get to share in my happiness and contentment, at least not from here.  I have to believe that she's sharing it on a whole different level.  I know she worried about me, so surely a part of heaven is getting to know that your loved ones are ok?  No, I haven't read that in the Bible, it's a little piece of "Shelly's world", lol.

Recently my sister came to me with the glorious idea of Waiting-Place.  A web application that would allow patients who are dealing with the likes of Cancer, Parkinson's Disease, MS, HIV/AIDS, Diabetes, Arthritis, (the list goes on and on and on.....) to gain sponsorship for time spent in waiting rooms, doctor's offices, hospitals and treatment centers to raise money for research.  Time that is seemingly useless can become a source of progress.  Now your talkin'!  Time that can be your friend when you would expect exactly the opposite!  The idea came to her as a result of time spent in many waiting rooms over the years first with our mom who fought Parkinson's Disease for 21 years and now with her husband who has had a heck of a war with Sarcoma, an incredibly rare cancer, off and on for 15 years.  Yes, and even for herself as she fights Fybromialgia (I don't even know how to spell that one!). 

So often time is such a boundary.  This is the primary reason that I rarely consider time to be my friend.  I don't like limits.  I am passionate about endless opportunities, freedom, wide open spaces......I'm a bit of a free spirit.....not a big fan of excessive structure.  This is also why I am a big fan of God.  For all the fears and frustration that comes with human limitations, He is big and mighty.  He is far greater than any homework challenges, or kid challenges, or corporate leases, or illness.  And yes, His power is greater then time restrictions!  I have found through my experiences that when I don't place limitations on Him by limiting my expectations He ALWAYS comes through.  Yes, grace truly is amazing! 

My New Year's resolution in January of 2009 was to let go and live fearlessly.  I coached myself into letting go of things I had no control over and slowly began to reconnect with God and recognize that He had been there all along.  With God all things are possible.  Time and illness hold no power.  So, go ahead, live fearlessly.  2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and of a STRONG MIND.  He created us to live fearlessly for Him.  The strong mind thing makes me giggle every time as I in no way see THAT when I look in the mirror, but my faith in a mighty God allows me to believe it and live as if it were so.  :)