THAT Kind of Important

It was a gorgeous spring morning on the outside of my house, but on the inside I was trying to figure out how on earth we were going to put food on the table as my unemployed boyfriend was pausing from his computer game to ask his mother to pay our gas bill (the gentleman from the gas company had just left after cutting it off) so we could use our gas stove and have hot water.  As I rocked my newborn son and prayed “God, I know I have landed myself in this mess…..” words were hard to come by.  I knew it was my own fault for allowing myself to be in this position.  So, when the knock on the door was a sweet gray haired gentleman saying “Hi, we’re from the Church of Christ.  We just wanted to see if there is anything we can do to help you today”.  I immediately fell to tears.  I never would have asked for help, but God sent help anyway.  Hind sight being what it is, I now recognize this as the beginning of my journey to reconciliation with the church.

I have made some pretty sketchy choices in my lifetime.  I've managed to ignore God more than once and find myself in some pretty painful positions.  God and I have had some pretty tough conversations over the years.  When my marriage fell apart at the hands of alcoholism I felt abandoned and judged.  I felt alienated from the Church as a whole, not just one particular denomination, or location, or congregation.  I had participated in numerous congregations where I thought I had friends, but when I fell out no one seemed to notice or care.  It was several years later that this man from the Mulvane Church of Christ showed up on my doorstep at just the right time.  To this day, I do not know what led to the knock on the door, I just know it happened when I needed most to know that God's grace was available to me no matter what pickle I had landed myself in.  When I couldn't find words for God, He was already communicating with local Christians who were listening and responding. 

Recently, I attended a meeting for the Wichita East District of the United Methodist Church where Pastor Rob Schmutz shared his passion for prayer walking and his heart for the community of Park City where he is leading a church plant.  He cited these verses from Nehemiah:
 

^{12 I set out during the night with a few others. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem. There were no mounts with me except the one I was riding on.
 13 By night I went out through the Valley Gate toward the Jackal Well and the Dung Gate, examining the walls of Jerusalem, which had been broken down, and its gates, which had been destroyed by fire. 14 Then I moved on toward the Fountain Gate and the King’s Pool, but there was not enough room for my mount to get through; 15 so I went up the valley by night, examining the wall. Finally, I turned back and reentered through the Valley Gate. 16 The officials did not know where I had gone or what I was doing, because as yet I had said nothing to the Jews or the priests or nobles or officials or any others who would be doing the work.
 17 Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.” 18 I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me.}

            Nehemiah clearly had a heart for God, his people, and his country.  We see this clearly in the first chapter of Nehemiah when he receives news of the conditions of the Israelites and the city of Jerusalem.  He wept and prayed, repenting for sin not only for himself but also interceding for that of his people. His heart ached deeply for his people and he called on God’s promise to restore them if they repented.  His heart was so heavily burdened that he continued to fast and pray.  Chapter two takes us to the court of King Artaxerxes where Nehemiah is his cup bearer.  This is a position of trust and privilege in the king’s court as the cup bearer’s responsibility was to taste the wine ahead of the king in order to be certain it was not poisoned.  This placed him in a position of influence with the king, which he clearly recognized as part of God’s plan when the time came.  On this day it had been four months since Nehemiah received the news of his people’s suffering and the destruction of the city of Jerusalem and he could no longer hide his sadness.  The king noticed and questioned him.  Nehemiah prayed and despite his fear recognized this God given opportunity.  He openly explained to the king his sadness and asked for permission to go and lead the Israelites in rebuilding their city.  The King clearly valued and trusted Nehemiah, because he not only granted him permission, but he offered his help and supplied him with all that he needed.  Nehemiah gives God all the credit for having His “gracious hand” upon him in verse eight.  And when he arrived in Jerusalem to answer God's call, he took the time to pray, and listen, and clarify the vision for what needed to be done.      

           There is significant pain in this world.  As Christians we are called to pay attention and respond.  Throughout the Bible, from Old Testament to New Testament, we are commanded to respond to the needs of God’s children. As we listened to Pastor Rob share that day, he pointed out that Jesus didn't sit around and wait for people to come to Him.  He walked the countryside meeting people right where they needed Him most.  He PRAYED relentlessly, LISTENED to the Father's direction, and ACTED accordingly.  

            I left that meeting inspired to pay closer attention to what's happening around me in my daily life, to pray for the people I see walking, mowing, driving, living...doing whatever it is they are doing.  I wonder if the folks from the Mulvane Church of Christ were prayer walking that morning?  I wonder if they will ever really know the long term impact it made.  I didn't attend their church, I never even properly thanked them.  In fact, I never heard from them again.  But I'm certain they prayed for us for weeks to follow.  And so, here I am all these years later in a new place in life and seeking to somehow continue to pay it forward to the body of Christ as a whole.

           This Sunday, Oct. 2nd a group from Mulvane United Methodist Church will begin to do some prayer walking, also.  It's heavy on my heart that we will be attentive to what God would have us see, hear, and sense.  We have the opportunity to show up right on time for someone each and everyday, and on Sunday we have the opportunity to do so as members of the body of Christ, not just the United Methodist Church.  So, please pray with us and for us as we seek to walk humbly and take the next right steps in loving our community for Jesus.  That morning in March of 2004 left a mark on my heart and my life that changed everything.  It's THAT kind of important.

It's a Girl!!

^{Psalm 139: 13-16}

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

   your works are wonderful,

   I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you

   when I was made in the secret place,

   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

I love Psalm 139!!  It's where I go when I need a hug.  It's where I go when I feel fat, or ugly, or like I have failed.  It's where I go when I doubt my purpose.  And it's where I go when I feel lost.  The entire Psalm is my favorite prayer when I can't find words.  These particular verses from Psalm 139 remind us that no one can create life but the Creator of life.  God, Himself, numbered the hairs on our head and the days of our lives. 

Today, my colleague, my assistant, most importantly-my friend found out that the baby she's expecting this spring is a girl.  This little girl was not part of my friend's plan.  Clearly, however, this precious little baby is part of God's plan.  No matter the earthly circumstances, this child is being knitted together in her mommy's womb by the Creator of life. 

I am no stranger to plan b!  Most who know me have heard me say of Samuel that he was certainly not a part of MY plan....I was done having babies.....or, so I thought.  I will never forget the day I found out that the reason I was so incredibly run down was because I was pregnant.  I was speechless.  For hours.  I was 34 years old, and had recently left his father.  Lizzi, Abi, and I were living with my parents.  My life was a mess.  WHAT was God thinking??  This was not a funny joke!  One could argue that Sam was a result of some not so smart choices in my life.  I would vehemently disagree, not about some of my choices, but certainly about the arrival of Sam.  Babies can be unexpected, but there is not one life that is an accident.  Sam is now 7 years old.  The first 3 and a half years of his little life were tumultuous.  There were (and still are) days when he single handedly puts a smile on my face no matter what is going on around me.  Sam has a HUGE heart and the deepest sense of family.  He loves the Lord, and his very existence has kept all of us grounded at times when we could have easily fallen apart.  With that much purpose in his first 7 years, can you even imagine what God has planned for him in the future??

Sam was not my first exposure to plan b.........when my marriage to Lizzi and Abi's father fell apart, I had to surrender their older sister, Ashleigh to her mother in Georgia.  It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life.  Ash was 16 when I put her on that plane.  She left here not knowing if she would ever see any of us again, including her father.  She was 17 when her dad told me she was pregnant with Haley.  I was crushed.  I wanted so much more for her!  I wanted her to have an education and a life..........clearly God had other plans.  Again, one could argue that my oldest daughter was making some pretty crummy choices at that time.  One might REALLY argue that when a year later (nearly to the day!), Ashleigh gave birth to Autumn.  At the ripe young age of 18 she was mother of two and wife to my son-in-law Alex.  I was so very worried and felt so responsible for her demise.  But again, refer to the above scripture.  In 2009, Ashleigh returned to Kansas for the first time since I put her on that plane in 2000.  Her daughters are smart, beautiful and fun!  They have the cutest little Georgia accents.  And in the years since their birth, Ashleigh has had significant enough health problems that she would not have been able to have children later in her life.  She is a determined, driven young woman and an amazing momma.  She and Alex have weathered many storms together and cling to God for all that they need.  As it turns out, she has a life and an education that is a result of that life.  God knew things that I didn't. 

My best friend, Christy and I have traveled the paths of life together for nearly half of our lives.  I was 23 years old, married, and pregnant with Lizzi when Christy (at the ripe young age of 17) found out she was pregnant with Taylor (her now 16 yr. old son).  We often talk about how much we not only love our kids but ENJOY them the vast majority of the time.  There is not one second of one minute of one day in the last 16 years that Christy (or I) could imagine having ever lived without Taylor.  He is now stands over 6 ft. tall, plays starting center for the varsity football team, does well in school, and is an all around great kid.  Christy grew quickly into a wonderful mother and later added Kaylee to the mix.  She is now an amazing nurse as she went back to school eventually (as a single mom) and has been the ultimate example of tenacity and focus for all of our kids.

Don't get me wrong.  Plan b is almost never welcomed right at the moment it's being forced upon me, or those I love.  I'm outrageously guilty of not responding favorably to plan b most of the time.  But, I will tell you that most of my life is grounded in plan b-or what I tend to view as plan b (or even c,d, or e).  But according to Psalm 139, it's all about plan A.  God's plan. The days he laid out for me.  And the days he laid out for all of us.  The more I learn, the more grateful I am to not be in control, and the more grateful I am for God's grace, for the peace that comes from knowing that He's in the driver's seat.  I am exceedingly grateful that all things really do come together for good for those who love the Lord.  And truly excited to welcome little Sarai and help love and spoil her rotten!

Congratulations Kateri & Richard!  Welcome to the wonderful adventure that was plan A all along!  :)

Reflection......

I was recently given an assignment to read through each of the articles in the New Bible Dictionary regarding idolatry, obedience, and worship and reflect on how these tie into "right relationship with God".  As I read, I found myself nodding as my mind raced around the events of the last two or three years of my own life and relationship with God.  There was a point when I began to realize that God was really pushing, pulling, and tugging at my very core. One of my gifts is the ability to block things that have hurt me, I call it a gift because it allows me to reach a place of forgiveness.  However, the Holy Spirit began to take me on a backwards journey to highlight many key things (GOOD things) I had also blocked in the process.  It has been an amazing journey that brought me to this moment.  So, I thought I would share my thoughts from the assignment.

I opened to the article on idolatry as the commandment “thou shall have no other gods before me” ran through my head.  I knew what idolatry is, but there were some highlights that stood out in this article that I feel are critical to understand what God wants from us.  One of the most important being the “tendency to corrupt the use of something which in itself was lawful”.  This could mean any number of things.  There are MANY things, people, situations that we tend to place before God, often without even realizing what we are doing.  For me, this is often my family and friends.  I forget easily that they belong to God first, just as I do (A recent reminder of that fact hit hard from another friend's blog).  I often spend far more time worrying about what they want and need without stopping to pray and listen in consideration of what it is God wants in any given situation.  There is another point in the article where the statement is made: “though entirely subject to Yahweh, there are spiritual forces of evil, and the practice of idolatry brings men into deadly contact with these ‘gods’”.  Its crazy to think that seemingly innocent and appropriate things could bring us into contact with forces of evil, however, if we think about it anything that we place ahead of the Father can become a weapon for Satan’s use.  If my family’s wants and needs are before God, they form a gap that can hinder my role in God’s plan.  If God is God in all of the seemingly innocent and appropriate stuff, then my family’s needs are met and God’s plan is easily fulfilled as He takes care of all of us.

This easily carried me to the topic of obedience.  God has gently and lovingly, yet VERY firmly called me out of my comfort zone.  Obedience isn’t easy and I have spent far too much time arguing and debating with Him all the while feeling quite justified because of the seemingly innocent and appropriate things that hold great importance to me.  There was in this article one statement that spoke loud and clear to where I am today: “Christian obedience means imitating God in holiness and Christ in humility and love.  It springs from gratitude for grace received, not from the desire to gain merit and to justify oneself in God’s sight.”  The journey backwards served to reconnect me to many of the little moments when The Creator of the universe was lovingly guiding me and planting the seeds that would not only equip me for literal survival in severe adversity, but would later be foundations for much of my ministry. It could only bring me to grateful and humble obedience.  I will forever proclaim that it’s not always easy, and sometimes I question far more than I should.  The truth is, in light of all that He has done for me, He really asks very little.  My obedience and my adoration definitely springs from gratitude.

From the article on worship:  “Worship is human response to a gracious God, and it needs to be placed in this context if it is to be properly understood”.   I have found that in order for worship to be a true response to God’s grace, we must first recognize idolatry and become obedient.  It is dangerously easy to go through the motions of what many believe worship to be.  We can go to church, we can take communion, we can repent and be baptized, we can stand and lift our hands in praise, and we can put a smile on as we gather as a body of believers.  However, if we are not truly responding to God’s gift of grace through Jesus by our very obedience then we are continuing in what I believe is often unrecognized idolatry.  The seemingly innocent and appropriate things can easily hinder our response to God and at the same time hinder our reward.  I think this is something we struggle with daily by our very human nature.

Having a “right relationship” with God is a statement that I sometimes struggle with.  I think that God wants us to be in relationship with Him no matter what is going on with us.  I believe that even when my life was a mess, my relationship with God was solid.  Many wouldn’t view that as “right”.  I questioned, and yelled in anger…..but He listened, He loved me through every storm.  When I couldn’t hear Him, I knew He was there.  Most importantly, when I questioned His whereabouts, I knew that He knew mine.  That, to me, is just as “right” as being in obedience when it comes to relationship with God.  Relationship with God is right, He wants us as He created us.  With that said, life in obedience and worship….true recognition and response to the grace that allows me the latter, is FAR more peaceful.  I wonder sometimes if we will ever find ourselves free of all idolatry in this life.  Given how easily the seemingly innocent and appropriate can get in the way, I am ever more grateful for grace.