A Little Piece of My Journey.........

A couple of months ago I was presented with the opportunity to read "Real Church" by Dr. Larry Crabb.  I was particularly intrigued with this book when it was randomly added to the materials for the class I was taking.  I have been a Christian my whole life.  I’m blessed to have grown up with Christian parents who lived up to their wedding vows as well as their commitment to Jesus.  There is no doubt that when God called my mother home, she ran right into His arms!  I have loved God and have both questioned and blindly trusted Him through some pretty big storms in my life.  I love His music, His word, and His people (ALL of them).  I spent a good number of years away from church in spite of my relationship with God and all its ups and downs.  And I must confess, though I want to lead and be a part of the solution, I still often struggle with church.

Dr. Crabb boldly states “I don’t much like going to church.” (pg.xiv)  I was so relieved to see those words in print and from someone who is a renowned author and teacher!  Delighted to know that I am not alone, I had to read and absorb every word on every page.  It spoke loud and clear and helped me to process my own feelings about church.  In this statement he captured much of what I have felt for years……he says “My soul aches to be part not of man-made systems, buildings, programs, and staff, but of a living, listening, loving, longing community of people who share life together as participants in divine life, people who are learning to live loved and who, therefore, are profoundly changing.”  (pg. xxiii)  There it is!  That’s what I want!  As I stated before, I love God’s people (ALL of them).  I need and want to be near them, especially those who are seeking and may not even know yet that they belong to God.  I draw my energy from people, so why is church nothing more than an annoying obligation rather  than a place of spiritual growth??

Dr. Crabb shares a story of a young woman who he led to Jesus and invited to church.  When she came to his church she was greeted by an elder who noticeably looked down upon her as he insisted she put a doily on her head.  He witnessed the interaction and watched as the girl exited during the final prayer and realized that the elder’s greeting “reflected a general attitude among the leaders of that congregation that following church order as they understood it trumped loving new believers”.  He didn’t go back.  I can’t help but think that this type of occurrence is all too typical.  How often do we let formalities get in the way of simply loving each other in the manner which Jesus loved?  How many times do we allow our systems to alienate the lost even more?  And beyond the new believers and those who are seeking, how many Christians fall out because the system is unforgiving and unaccepting?  One of the things I most dislike about church is that we often get so caught up in schedule and formalities that we miss what the Holy Spirit has to offer in that moment and we miss all that other believers have to offer in their brokenness.  In my mind many of our formalities build walls and leave people closed both to each other and to all that God has to offer.

I appreciate the journey in section one regarding “why” we should go to church.  Dr. Crabb addresses answers to that question that don’t work for him and quite frankly, don’t work for me. 

1.        It has not been my experience that going to church “made my life better”.  Simply attending church on Sunday morning has not one time been the thing that brought healing for me.  Healing has proven to be a process of clinging to God, seeking His spirit, and the open hearted love of certain ones of His people who were willing to be open.  I do, however, long to reach that level of loving myself for God’s sake……I just don’t see mere church attendance taking me there.

2.       I have not seen my church changing our world in ways that any good hearted atheist couldn’t.  As Dr. Crabb points out, people can do good works without Jesus.  We can “be missional for God without being close to God”.  We can manufacture experiences with music, lighting, and even powerful sermons that leave us feeling as if we have “experienced God” and motivate us to reach out.  However, as Dr. Crabb points out, if we aren’t grounded in God’s hope we become “addicted” to the need to be emotionally stimulated at all times in order to do God’s work.  I agree that God wants our hearts and He wants us to be faithful in hope at all times, even when we can’t “feel” Him.

3.       I do think that church can lead a person to salvation, but most don’t go deep enough to guide me through righteous living.  Not because the sermons are lacking or the praise and worship isn’t “right”.  Because most members seem to be far too busy guarding their walls and making sure everything appears as it should.  It seems that most are not willing to reveal their reality in order to allow us to effectively bond as a family and grow as God would have us grow.   There isn’t a connection beyond the surface that inspires and challenges me.  I want to know the hearts of others and I want to share mine.  I want us to genuinely love each other through life’s moments in the way that Jesus loves, without requirement.  I feel like grace is missing.

As I read on into the kind of church Dr. Crabb describes that he would want to go to I found myself nodding almost constantly in agreement.  Finally!  Someone has verbalized all that I’m feeling and had not found words for!  I desperately want to be surrounded by believers that not only know I’m a mess and that God is love, but who will openly acknowledge that we are ALL a mess!  Dr. Crabb states “I want to know that I’m seen and still wanted, that I can drop the pretense, shed the masks, and enjoy the soul-enlivening experience of looking bad in the presence of love.”  (Just before that he reminded us that God is love.  Pg. 60)

In the eyes of my heart one of the most amazing things about Jesus as He walked this earth was the way that He met people right where they were in life.  I often think of Mary and how she must have felt surrounded by a crowd of people ready to stone her (probably many of them men who had indulged in her “services”).  Can you imagine looking into the face of Jesus as He challenged them all in their own sin and as He released her of hers??  He knew she was a mess and He knew her condemners were each a mess of their own.  He met them ALL right where they needed to be met on that day.  

I stated earlier that I grew up in a Christian home.  I knew all the right things to say and all the “buzz words” and clichés.  The word grace has been in my vocabulary forever (seriously!), but I didn’t comprehend it until it took over my whole existence when my marriage fell apart at the hands of my husbands alcoholism.  Dr. Crabb makes the statement that “grace has no felt power in our lives until it surprises the hell out of us”.  YES!  It is so true!  I didn’t know God or His grace like I thought I did until I began to really talk to God about what was going on in me AND to allow His Holy Spirit to take over and minister to me in ways I could have never experienced without the deep, empty, “soul pain” I was experiencing at that time of my life.  Sadly, this was not something I was able to find help with in church.  I found my help in God, but certainly not in a body of believers who couldn’t get past the surface to pray with me or for me or to even attempt to see what was happening and allow me to feel loved and wanted in spite of the mess that was my life.

The truth is that I could take this book chapter by chapter, even page by page and apply it to my life and that of my church.  I wholly believe that most if not all churches should take a closer look at how we relate to one another.  I believe that the universal church as a whole does a fine job at doing great deeds.  We feed the hungry, we shelter the homeless, we care for the sick.  We do numerous outreach projects like school supplies and mitten trees and coat drives.  We send our people out to do all kinds of community service and mission work.  The real question for me is what are we doing for each other?  What are we doing within our body of believers to grow and develop spiritually?  Why can’t we get past the surface of people’s lives and meet the needs of the believers so that in everyday life, believers can meet others where they are and said “others” can come into the body and love and be loved and grow to go out and do the same…….isn’t that what Jesus modeled for us??  Many, if not most churches are good (even great) at bringing people in the doors.  I want a church that goes deeper.  I want a church that will somehow find a way past all the plastic on the surface and create a bond that forms a true church family where folks live and love and grow and share.  A family that brings in new members and shares the love that Jesus lived.  Where is it??

As I read “Real Church” and identified repeatedly with Dr. Crabb I found myself on a journey that helped me to resolve some of my own feelings and thoughts.  I still struggle with church.  I’m still struggling to understand my own calling from God particularly where my church is concerned.  However, just as Dr. Crabb seemed to verbalize all my thoughts and feelings as to why I struggle, he also had these words which seem to portray where I am today.  He states on page 145 regarding “real church”:  “Can I find it?  Here’s a better question!  Could I stop complaining about what I find missing in church and stop criticizing what I think is wrong and instead, start celebrating whatever God is doing (He’s not on vacation, waiting for renewed energy to get back in the battle) and start contributing to wherever it’s happening?”  I even wrote in the margin next to this “me” and underlined it.  I mused at Dr. Crabb’s analogies of “Elijah Syndrome” and “Jonah Syndrome”.  It struck home as I have recently referred to my own church as my “Ninevah”.  I often wonder, why bother when nobody seems interested in going deeper.  If they are so satisfied, then why would God ask me to digging??  Clearly it’s because he wants us all to move into “Jesus Syndrome”.  I cannot, nor would I want to deny that.  So, here I am.  Attending regularly and seeking to seize every opportunity to connect with people in the body that is the church just as I have done outside of the church, finding ways to meet people where they are.  The phrase that resonates with me as I continue on my journey particularly regarding church is “if you aren’t part of the solution, you become part of the problem”.

As Dr. Crabb wrapped things up, he made four clear points.  I underlined statements in all four. (pg. 152)

1.        “A real church knows that tough times are ahead, already present for many, tough times that serve a purpose in God’s perfect plan.”

2.       “A real church pleads with God’s Spirit, the Spirit of holiness, to keep spiritually forming its people until they see Jesus as their supreme treasure no matter how they feel or how others treat them or how their lives are going.”

3.       “A real church aims toward spiritual community, where souls connect, where shame weakens, where sin surfaces, where failure meets grace, where irritations soften, where holy desire grows.”

4.       “A real church knows that doing good in this world has little redemptive power unless the do gooders know Jesus, resemble Jesus, and are relating like Jesus in the energy of Jesus, in their homes and churches first, and then in the culture around them.”

One of the most important things I have discovered in my journey regarding church is that I want these things from church from such a deep place in me that I have become willing to accept God’s call on me to help make it happen in whatever way He chooses to put me to work, even if it is in “Ninevah”.  So, as Dr. Crabb requested on page 154, I will continue to pray for revival.  We should all pray for revival in our own lives and in our own churches as well as in the universal church.  Join me?