As the first half of March is filled with apparent silliness, there was another life changing event on the 15th in 2004. The phone rang as I was feeding the baby and I couldn't get to it, but they called back and I still couldn't get to it. So, when I laid Sam down I went to check the caller ID and it was my sister-in-law (whom I never quit claiming as family after the divorce, even to this day). I felt a little panicked as she didn't typically call at this time of day. I called her back to learn that Lizzi and Abi's father had passed away. This was shocking and not shocking all at the same time. John had battled alcoholism for years which was the demise of our marriage and many other key relationships in his life. But many of us (yes, including me although I couldn't live that way) loved him anyway. There had been numerous moments in life where I felt that alcoholism had won battles, insignificant and sadly some very significant. At this moment, though, it seemed as though alcoholism had won the war. So as I looked at this sleeping infant and his father (who was a whole other set of complications in our lives), the pain overwhelmed me. How would I tell the girls? How would they handle all of this? Lizzi was 9 and Abi was 7, and as all children in their shoes do, they had dreams of their Daddy becoming a healthy part of their lives again someday. Dreams that I shared with them deeply. My mind raced and my heart ached. When I told them, they barely responded. Abi, of course shed some tears, and Lizzi just looked at me. In the following days we went through all the proper motions.....traveling to the funeral to be with family, and all the formalities of paperwork and benefits for the girls. The girls took it all in stride and lived their young lives quite normally. When I expressed concern for their emotional well being, a wise school counselor explained to me that this was normal and that grief would come later for them (maybe years). And she was right, it was Freshman year for each of them. And every year, we ease our way through March, then Father's day in June, and then his birthday in August.
I have to share that parenting them has been a beautiful adventure. As time passed and events occurred which prevented Sam's father from participating in his raising, as well, I have learned all the reasons why parenting was designed to be a 2 person job (minimum of 2, that is.). I also found that we have truly amazing friends and family! I am so very proud of Lizzi and Abi. They are becoming young women that I know their Dad would be so proud to know and that I am honored to call daughters and friends. We have learned to be quite a team over the years, and we continue to learn to let God fill in the gaps. Sam continues to be a source of grounding for all of us. And, as we have been blessed with the addition of Kurt, Emily, and Kaylie in our lives we are feeling more and more "normal" (whatever, that is) as time passes. The good has far out weighed the bad, and Lizzi and Abi have a glorious capacity to focus on that fact.
SO, here it is March 16th and we rejoin the more traditional madness of March. Grateful as we focus on the season of Lent and the sacrifice Jesus CHOSE to make at the cross. Prayerful for many others in our lives who are fighting battles and slaying demons of their own. And hopeful as we look ahead to warmer weather, volleyball victories, forensics tournaments, soccer games, connecting with family and friends and Easter, the celebration of the ultimate victory. Jesus' resurrection. The bridge that allows us to be forgiven and also to forgive. To have life, and have it more abundantly. I love this time of year! A time of reflection and renewal for all.
